KakuHida 30 Day OTP Challenge
by VTPM
Summary: Just a shipping one-shot series for Kakuzu and Hidan. (Will most likely contain smut in later chapters)
1. Holding Hands

It was late evening in the Akatsuki base, though things were a bit different today. Usually around this time, Konan would be finishing up cooking dinner or would have at least ordered some sort of take out food (whatever was close and cheap, thankfully for Kakuzu). However tonight Konan was out of the base on some errand or solo mission, and for whatever reason Pein decided to put Kakuzu in charge of cooking. Why Sir Leader didn't handle the situation himself was beyond him.

 _Probably can't cook worth shit and is too embarrassed for Konan to find out.._. He thought grudgingly, searching the cupboards for the pots and pans. _Damned woman has no sense of organization... Great, now I sound like Hidan.._.

The priest himself was behind him at the table, being of no use as usual, busy talking about something Kakuzu had no interest in and throwing a bouncy ball he'd stolen from Tobi at the wall in his boredom.

Each thud the rubber ball made against the wall was like a knife blade to Kakuzu's nerves. "Don't you have somewhere else to be...?"

"No. Why?" Hidan replied without looking up.

"Because you should be doing something productive for once..."

"I did my training and rituals for the day."

Kakuzu sighed. "Wrestling Deidara over the TV remote is not training, and your damned rituals are not under the 'productive' category..."

"Says the atheist going to hell." Hidan retorted evenly.

The miser simply rolled his eyes in irritation and went back to searching for the forsaken cooking utensils.  
 _  
Why do I have to do this, out of everyone here?_ After considering that Sasori would no doubt poison anything he made, Itachi would attempt cooking with Amaterasu, Deidara would destroy the kitchen, Kisame makes nothing but sushi (which Sir Leader hates), Zetsu would bring home a corpse, Tobi would simply bake cookies, and no one even knew Hidan's cooking skills since he never attempted before, he realized he probably was the only one mature enough to handle the job.

After a few more minutes of searching, he finally found where Konan kept the pans stored, and he was twitching slightly by that time, due to a mixture of being stuck doing this in the first place and the fact Hidan still hadn't stopped talking. __

 _Why didn't he come with a mute button...?_ Kakuzu thought, turning on one of the burners.

The steady thuds of the rubber ball were interrupted suddenly by a rather loud crack sound, making Kakuzu jump in surprise and whip around to look at Hidan. There was now a dent and crack in the wall where he'd been throwing the ball and the object itself had rolled over near the stove by the Falls nin.

"Sorry. Threw it too hard. Could you get that for me?" Hidan asked.

Kakuzu nodded slightly, reaching down to pick up the object of his partner's current fascination with intentions at chucking it as hard as he could at the priest's head, when he unconsciously reached to the counter for support, only to pull back when he accidentally placed it on the stove top burner he'd left on.

"Shit..!" He hissed, looking down at the scorched skin of his right hand.

Hidan blinked and looked at him. "You left the burner on."

"Yes Hidan, _I know_." Kakuzu growled.

"You should be more careful."

 _Says the reckless idiot._.. "Whatever.."

"Here, let me look at it." Hidan said, standing and walking over to him.

Kakuzu scowled and turned his back to the silver haired man. "No way..."

"Lemme look, damnit!" Hidan demanded, trying to get in front of the miser, though he simply turned again so his back was facing him once more. "Oi! Knock it off! You're being so immature!"

Kakuzu snapped back, "Oh, like you're one to talk! You're the one who whines like a two year old over every god damned thing!"

"Shut the hell up and let me help you!" Hidan yelled, getting around in front of the Falls nin once more and grabbing his hand.

"Let go, moron! You're not helping!" The stitched man snarled in irritation, taking a step back to try and pull out of the smaller man's grip, only to step on the ball that had been left on the floor. He ended up loosing his footing and fell over backwards, dragging Hidan down with him.

Even despite the fall, Hidan still hadn't let go of Kakuzu's hand, and currently had him pinned by sitting on him, and was squinting at the burned spot.

"...Get off."

"No."

"That wasn't a request."

"Don't care."

Kakuzu took a deep breath in attempt to calm himself, then sat up enough to push Hidan off, but still he kept an iron grip on the miser. "...If I let you 'help', will you let me go..?"

Hidan nodded.

"...Fine..." He muttered reluctantly.

The Steam nin grinned in satisfaction for getting his way and lead Kakuzu to the bathroom where the medical supplies were kept, still refusing to let him go much to Kakuzu's frustration.

Hidan quickly grabbed a first aid kit from the shelf and took out a cream to help soothe the burn as well as a band-aid.

"Hold your hand up." Hidan ordered, and, rolling his eyes, Kakuzu complied.

Once the priest finished and put the band-aid over the burned spot, he grinned up at Kakuzu and gave the spot a quick kiss.

The miser made a face and yanked his hand away. " _Never_ do that again..."

"Hmph. Got a problem with caring and romance?"

"...I still have to cook dinner." He said without answering the question, turning and leaving the room, Hidan following behind just like he usually did.

Sighing, Kakuzu glanced back at him. "Can't you go bother Deidara until I'm done? You're very distracting and Pein will probably get pissed if I'm not done soon..."

Hidan hesitated before nodding reluctantly. "Fine.. Though, fuck if Sir Asshole gets pissy or not, seriously. He can fucking cook when his bitch is gone instead of dumping it on someone else."

Kakuzu snorted in faint amusement, half tempted on daring him to say that to Pein's face, though decided against it.

Once Hidan left the room in search of the Akatsuki terrorist, Kakuzu glanced down at the band-aid and shook his head in bemusement. _I guess he owed me for all the time's I've sewn him together, but that was a bit ridiculous, even if it was a little sweet... What a moron..._


	2. Cuddling Somewhere

After a painful two hours of working on a mission report and presenting it to Sir Leader, Kakuzu finally returned to his room to find Hidan passed out on his bed, not having bothered to take off his cloak or shoes, though at least had the decency [if you could call it that] to leave his scythe on the floor.

Mildly irritated that his partner had been sleeping the entire time he'd been working, Kakuzu walked over in an attempt to wake him.

"Hidan."

No response.

"Hidan, wake the hell up."

When he didn't get a response the second time, he felt his patience begin to wear thin. He grabbed the back of Hidan's cloak and dropped him to the floor with a thud, which finally got a reaction.

The priest groaned and lifted his head. "What the fuck was that for..?"

"What do you think?" Kakuzu replied, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Hidan rolled his eyes and, with some struggle, pulled himself back onto the bed in a lazy, half-assed attempt to get off the floor, and simply collapsed face-first against the mattress.

The Falls nin couldn't help but make a face at him. "What are you doing?"

"Sleeping," was the muffled answer.

"...You realize you have your own bed, right?"

"Mhm. But I like yours better."

Sighing in defeat, Kakuzu muttered, "Fine... But at least move over. Unless you want me to use you as a foot rest."

Hidan made himself get up with some strain and moved to one side of the bed instead of laying horizontally across it.

Now that there was room, Kakuzu managed to get comfortable, though stayed sitting up and picked up an old book from his bedside table, being that reading was his favorite pass time. He was a little surprised when Hidan went through the effort of wrapping his arms around the miser's waist to pull himself closer and rested his head on his chest.

"What're you reading?" Hidan asked, looking at the page Kakuzu was currently on with tired but curious eyes.

"You're like a child." Kakuzu snorted.

"Hm... Never heard of it before."

The stitched man closed his eyes, but decided not to correct him for once.

"What's it about?"

"Why would you care?"

The Steam nin shrugged. "Dunno. Just trying to make conversation since you're so awful at it."

"Thanks." Kakuzu said sarcastically, putting an arm around Hidan in return.

"You're welcome." Several minutes passed by in silence before Hidan asked, "So, how was the mission report?"

"You really are bored, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Now answer the damned question."

Kakuzu sighed in annoyance, but complied, "It was paper work. What do you expect?"

"True. I don't see why Sir Asshole makes us do those things anyways."

"You mean makes me do them. You've never done a mission report in your life."

"I know. Too boring for my tastes, seriously. It's like being in the fucking academy all over again."

"Yes, but it's necessary for organization... And you should learn some respect and quite calling him that. He'll over hear you one day and might not be appreciative."

"Yeah, well fuck him. I'm not scared if he throws a hissy fit. I don't see why the hell you are either."

Kakuzu looked down at him. "Because I, unlike you, can't live without my head."

"Guess so.." Hidan mumbled, snuggling closer to him.

Smiling faintly in amusement, Kakuzu ruffled his hair roughly, making Hidan give a plaintive sound and half-heartedly try to smack his hand away. "What the hell are you so tired for?"

"Mission.." He answered simply, burying his face against the masked man's chest.

"If you didn't waste your energy on your damned rituals, you wouldn't be so exhausted after every mission." The miser told him, earning himself a muffled 'fuck you'.

"Just go to sleep already if you're that tired..."

"What the fuck do you think I'm tryin' to do, fuckface?"

"Love you too, dumbass."

Kakuzu didn't get an answer though, as Hidan had already fallen unconscious once more against him.


	3. Gaming

"You cheated!"

"I did not.."

"Did too!"

"I can't help I am more skilled than you.."

"FUCK YOU UCHIHA!"

Kakuzu blinked in confusion as he walked into the living room to see Hidan and Itachi arguing in front of the TV over a video game, Hidan yelling at the overly calm Itachi who refused to give him a proper reaction like the priest was used to.

The Sharingan wielder glanced up at Kakuzu as he entered the room, clearly not giving a damn about Hidan's death threats over getting beaten, which after a few moments, caught the Steam nin's attention and he looked up as well.

"What the hell are you two being so loud about?" The miser asked.

"He's the one being loud because he can't win..." Itachi muttered.

Hidan snarled, "Because you're fucking cheating!"

"I am not. I told you, I am simply more skilled."

"Yeah, only 'cause you and Kisame never let anyone else have a turn..." Hidan said in response, then suddenly snatched the controller out of the Leaf nin's hands. "Oi, Kakuzu! Get your ass over here and play against me!"

Itachi simply looked down at where the controller had been in his hands only moments before with a blank, uncomprehending look, before standing and walking away silently to play one of the handheld devices he kept hidden from Sir Leader.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "Hell no."

"Why not?!"

"Because it is childish, and a waste of time and money..."

"Well too bad! I'm bored, so play a few rounds with me!" Hidan demanded.

"No." With that, Kakuzu simply turned and left, planning on returning to his bedroom, though Hidan refused to let him get away that easily. He quickly jumped up and ran in front of him, blocking the door to their room. "Pleeeeease? Just for a little bit?"

Kakuzu gave him an annoyed look. "Hidan, get out of the way."

"Nope."

Resisting the urge to cut off his partner's head, the stitched man gave him a warning glare. "Move right now, or so help me..."

Hidan's shoulders fell slightly and he sighed in defeat, starting to walk down the hall. "I get it... You're just scared you'll lose, huh?"

Kakuzu stopped with his hand an inch from the door knob. "Scared? You really are an idiot... Why would I be scared of losing a dumb game?"

The priest gave him a smug look over his shoulder. "You really are scared, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm not..."

"Pussy!"

"I'm not-"

"PUSSY!"

"Hidan, you annoying shit, shut up!" Kakuzu snapped, his anger starting to boil over at Hidan's yelling.

He crossed his arms defiantly. "Not until I get what I want."

"You realize I can still sew your mouth shut, right?"

Hidan shrugged. "I'll find another way to bother you. Now seriously, just a few rounds, that's all I'm asking!"

Kakuzu seemed to contemplate it for a moment, then growled, "Fine... But you can't whine, complain, or bug me at all for the rest of the day..."

"Deal! Now let's go already!" Hidan cheered, attempting to drag the masked man with him, though failed to make him rush at all.

Once they were back in the living room, Hidan forced the taller man to take the controlled, which he looked down at in disdain, having thoughts of crushing it to get out of this annoyance. But upon remembering that Hidan would simply force him to buy another one some way or another, he knew it would simply be a wasted effort.

Sitting down, he watched with a scowl as his comrade started the game up, and made no attempt to defend his character or fight back, much to Hidan's irritation. As soon as his character was defeated, Kakuzu put the controller down and stood. "Well that was fun, but-"

"Hey, hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?! The deal was you play a couple rounds, not one! And you have to actually try, so sit your ass back down, fuckface!"

Kakuzu shot him a hateful death glare before complying, feeling the urge to kill something growing steadily.

The next 30 minutes were spent in frustration for the stitched man, until he finally decided he'd had his fill and got up to leave the room immediately after the 5th round.

Hidan blinked in surprise and got up to follow him. "Shit, man, what's your problem?" When he didn't get an answer, Hidan slowly grinned. "You're a fucking sore loser, aren't you? You're all pissy 'cause I actually beat you at something! That's _adorable-"_

He didn't get a chance to say anything else though, as one of the masks on Kakuzu back opened it's mouth and shot a large, powerful bolt of electricity at him without warning, and he then walked into their room and slammed the door shut.

Several minutes passed before Hidan heard footsteps approaching him, and he weakly lifted his Tobi looking down at him with what he assumed was concern.

"Are you okay, Hidan-san?" Tobi asked, sounding as sickly innocent as usual.

"..Yeah, I'm _fine_... Just got blasted with a Lightning Style jutsu, no problem, seriously..." He muttered sarcastically.

"Oh, okay. Tobi was just worried when he saw you face down on the floor..."

 _My Jashin, he's an idiot_... "Well, it's no big deal.. But hey," Hidan said, sitting up. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course! Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi informed him enthusiastically.

Grinning evilly on the inside, Hidan put on the most worried look he could and asked, "Could you keep Kakuzu-san company for a little while? I think he could use a good dose of your cheer..."

The masked man gave a vigorous nod. "Alright Hidan-san! Kakuzu-san does need to be much happier... You're such a good friend to be concerned like that!"

As soon as Tobi was out of earshot, Hidan giggled to himself, only for a disapproving voice from behind to say, "That was just plain cruel, un. Siccing Tobi on him like that."

"Oh well. Bastard had it coming. He should have thought twice before fucking electrocuting me over his anger issues. I mean, I got anger problems too, but I don't go setting people on fire and shit like he does! That's abuse, seriously! You wouldn't put up with that, right?"

Deidara snorted. "Of course not. But me and Danna aren't nearly as violent as you two, yeah."

Hidan sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Guess so. I mean, I'll put up with his temper and all, but if he goes over reacting and taking stuff out on me like that, I'm not just going to do nothing about it."

That's when there was a crash sound from Kakuzu and Hidan's room and an audible scream from Tobi.

"...You should run-" Deidara started, but before he could even finish, Hidan had already gave a quick nod and a short 'yep' before standing and taking off out of the base to find a hiding spot before Kakuzu came looking for revenge.


	4. On A Date

[A/N: Sorry for taking such a long break from this; I've just haven't had much inspiration and was stuck for a while. So I decided I'm going to start doing the prompts out of order from the usual list and do the ones I have ideas for first and save the ones I find more difficult for later. Anyhoo, hope you enjoy!]

"Get up; we're leaving."

Hidan blinked and looked up from his Jashinist bible in confusion. "Huh?" He didn't get a response though, as Kakuzu had already turned and left the room.

Cursing, Hidan struggled out of his bed and grabbed his cloak, throwing it on as he followed his partner.

Kakuzu waited impatiently for Hidan to put on his shoes then immediately left the base, leaving Hidan to run after him to catch up.

"Hey, wait up! What's the big fucking rush?!" Hidan yelled, having a bit of difficulty keeping up with the miser's brisk pace. When he didn't get an answer, Hidan growled, "Answer me, bastard!"

"Shut up." Kakuzu muttered.

"Where the hell are we going?!"

"You'll see when we get there."

The duo lapsed into silence for a few minutes before Hidan asked, "Are we there yet?"

Scowling, Kakuzu said sarcastically, "We're in the middle of a forest, what do you think?"

"Well considering I don't know what the fuck we're doing, I couldn't say!" Hidan retorted heatedly, clearly pissed about being disturbed from engaging in his religious practices.

"Just shut up... I'll let you know when we get there..." Kakuzu sighed.

"..Fine." The zealot muttered. They fell into silence once more, and Kakuzu actually grew mildly concerned when Hidan somehow lasted the rest of the 40 minute trip without speaking.

Just before they arrived at their destination, Kakuzu turned to Hidan and pulled his headband up over his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're-?!" Kakuzu put a hand over his mouth to shut him up and rolled his eyes. "Calm down... You'll see in a moment.."

Hidan huffed to rein his temper back in and muttered, "Fine, but this better be good..."

"Don't worry, I think you'll like it." That at least seemed to catch Hidan's interest and his anger faded, though only slightly.

Kakuzu lead him to a clearing in the trees that dropped off into a cliff, giving a beautiful view of the surrounding forest and the lake below. By the time they'd arrived, the sun was setting and the horizon was a burning orange color. Smiling slightly, he turned removed the hitai-ate from over Hidan's eyes.

He blinked a few times to get his eyes to adjust to the light, and his eyes widened at the sight shortly after. "Kakuzu..?"

"Sit down.." The Taki nin murmured, sitting down on the grassy ground. Hidan nodded and did as he was told, still seeming a little surprised, though he glanced up at Kakuzu and smirked. "Never took you for the romantic type, Kuzu."

He snorted. "Don't get used to this.."

Hidan sighed and leaned on his shoulder, watching the sky darken in content, all of his earlier irritation gone.

Kakuzu smiled and wrapped an arm around the zealot's waist, then gently tilted his chin his up and kissed him. Hidan blinked in surprise, but returned the kiss, pulling away after a few seconds and smiling. "Thanks Kuzu.. This was really nice of you.."

"No problem Hidan.. This is the least I could do.." Kakuzu replied, pulling the smaller man into his lap and holding him close. Hidan hummed quietly and leaned back against him, simply enjoying being held and the sight on the sky changing colors as the stars came out and the moon rose higher.

By the time the moon was nearly at its zenith, Hidan found himself yawning and pulling his cloak tighter around him, the air having chilled considerably.

"You ready to head back..?" Kakuzu asked him quietly. When the silver haired man nodded, he helped him to his feet and lead him back towards the base. Hidan picked up the pace enough to walk at his side and hold his hand, smirking when Kakuzu looked at him in confusion.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Mhm~ You don't mind right~?"

Kakuzu smirked back and shook his head. "No, not really..~"

The rest of the long trek back to the base was simply Hidan rambling on excitedly about whatever popped into his mind while Kakuzu listened mostly silently, only making occasional comments. Usually Hidan's incessant talking was an annoyance, though he didn't mind it so much tonight.

Once they were back in their shared room, Kakuzu gave Hidan a brief kiss again and smiled at him. "Well, what do you think of tonight..?"

Hidan gave him a genuine smile. "I loved it Kuzu.."

"Hmm, maybe I'll consider doing it again sometime.."

The zealot perked up. "You mean it?"

"I said maybe." The stitched nin chided gently.

Hidan pouted but nodded, dropping his cloak on his bed before joining Kakuzu on his and cuddling up to him.

"Love ya Kuzu.."

"Love you too Hidan.."


	5. Genderbent

"There, all done, hm!" Deidara exclaimed, sitting back and admiring his work. He'd managed to convince the irate zealot to let him style her hair for once. She usually had it pulled back with a headband [never her hitai-aye though] or hair gel, or hanging loose with her bangs in her face. At the moment, her short grey hair was pulled into a ponytail with thin braids on either side running all the way from her few loose bangs to under her ponytail, pinned by bonny pins to keep them in place.

The artist held a hand mirror up in front of her and saw Hidan raise an eyebrow in the reflection, turning her head side to side. He grinned smugly when he saw her smile.

"Not bad, Dei-chan. I'm impressed. Maybe I'll let you gives me makeovers more often."

Hidan snickered when she saw Deidara brighten at that. She knew Sasori didn't let him mess with his hair often and that the blonde was too scared to ask Konan; partly because of her general cold demeanor, partly because Pein would probably kill him for touching her.

"Well that's great! I've been meaning to see what different styles might work. But Danna doesn't let me use him much. Plus he has shorter hair than you." The priest's hair only went down to her shoulders, shorter than most girl's kept theirs, though seemed content to keep it that way.

Hidan rolled her eyes and looked down to her lap, and noticed her nail polish was starting to chip and wear off. Frowning, she tilted her head back to look up at the terrorist. "Dei-chan, can you paint my nails? I'm no good at it."

Deidara shook his head. "Sorry, you know I'm not either. Danna always does mine for me, and he's busy on one of his puppets right now."

Hidan groaned and stood up. "Fiiiine, I'll try it myself.."

"Good luck, hm." Deidara replied, stretching out now that he had the couch to himself.

She wandered out of the main room and into her shared one with Kakuzu, kicking the door shut loudly behind her, ignoring the scowl she earned from the self proclaimed treasurer.

Hidan plopped down on her bed and grabbed the dark green nail polish from her bedside table.

On the other side of the room, Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at her partner's appearance. "You let Deidara use you as his doll?"

"Fuck off.." Hidan mumbled, having opened the little bottle and was carefully trying to apply the paint, though her hand was too shaky to be very accurate

Kakuzu rolled her eyes and stood from her desk, going over and snatching the bottle from her partner.

"What the hell?!" Hidan snapped, glaring up at the stitched nin.

"You're supposed to remove the old polish first..." Kakuzu growed at her, sitting next to the silver haired girl and picking up a bottle of nail polish remover.

Hidan huffed at her partner, though grudgingly gave in and held out her hand when she saw the older nin glaring at her, but quickly got over it and watched curiously as Kakuzu set to work on rubbing off the old paint. Once she finished, she picked up the green polish again and carefully started brushing it on, her hands much steadier than the impatient youth's.

After finishing both the zealot's hands, she put the cap back on and put it down on the table again. "Don't touch anything until those dry.." She directed, standing up and returning to her desk to finish the mission reports she'd been working on.

"I know that, asshole.." Hidan grumbled, looking at her hands in annoyance. She really wasn't patient in the least, and wanted the paint to dry quickly so she could go on with her day.

Ten minutes later, they were finally dried and she jumped up from her bed, walking over to Kakuzu. "Whatcha doin'?"

"What do you think?" She replied absently, trying to ignore the pesky priest. It didn't do any good however, as Hidan simply rested her chin on Kakuzu's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her neck. "I'm boooored.."

"Good for you." Kakuzu made the mistake of turning to look at her when she didn't get an immediate reply, sighing when she was met with an adorable display of lavender puppy dog eyes complete with childish pout. Defeated, she left her desk to sit on her bed, Hidan grinning and plopping down next to her, giving the taller female a tight hug and burying her face in her tanned neck.

"You're so troublesome..." Kakuzu murmured, stroking her head gently as to not mess up her hair. It didn't tale long before Hidan's eyelids drooped shut and she drifted off into a light doze.

Smiling faintly under her mask, Kakuzu gently laid her down on the bed and laid next to her, pulling the younger one close and resting her chin on Hidan's head.

"Somehow you get what you want every time... You're making me go soft..." Kakuzu murmured quietly, closing her eyes as well. For some reason, she found that statement didn't really bother her.


End file.
